


it's love trippin'

by misura



Category: Kaptara (Comics)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-13 00:55:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16882572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: "You really don't think it looks like a duck?"





	it's love trippin'

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Delphi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Delphi/gifts).



It seems to Keith, sometimes, that there are way too many encounters that go something like this:

KEITH: Argh! Wah! (and other assorted exclamations of horror and/or fright)  
MANTON: Take that, you fiend! (referring, it goes without saying (or does it?) to whatever is trying to eat them and dealing with it in a suitably muscular and heroic manner)

as opposed to encounters that go something like this:

KEITH: What interesting rock formations!  
~~DARTMOR: Ha ha! That one looks like my -~~  
MANTON: May I gaze lovingly into your eyes while slowly draping my arm around your shoulders to create a sensation of gentle intimacy between us and meanwhile regale you with a story about the origin of said rock formations?  
KEITH: Y-yes! I mean, if you insist. You did save my life after all.  
~~MANTON: It was nothing. I was just doing my job.~~  
MANTON: You know how much I value your mind, and also I find your body extremely attractive.  
KEITH: Oh you.

Possibly, Keith darkly suspects, this is because even though he's on an alien planet, traveling to exotic locations with a group of aliens, some of whom are extremely attractive in a muscly sort of way, the basic rule of life, the universe and everything still applies, which is, in a nutshell, that everything always sucks, at least when your name is Keith Kanga.

(For the record, if they'd crashed on Mars and had brought potatoes and stuff, Keith would've totally been able to make like Mark Watney and science the shit out of everything. It's just his bad luck that nobody thought to bring any potatoes and also, it's not like food's any sort of problem. At least not compared to hopelessly crushing on a tall, kind, muscly, good-looking guy who's consistently nice to him.)

 

Keith and Manton get accidentally on purpose married one time.

It's for diplomacy. They spend the night together in a really small tent, not looking at each other because the villagers have taken away their clothes and Keith really, really wants to look because damn it, when else is he going to get a chance like this ever again?

Only Manton's a friend, maybe the bestest friend Keith has ever had (maybe his first one, even) so Keith keeps his eyes to himself and his hands to himself, and just when he's almost convinced himself that being virtuous feels almost as good as being a sick perv, Manton puts his arms around him while mumbling something about Keith looking cold or something, which is a total lie. 

But whatever.

"What a weird little village," Dartmor says, after, when they're leaving again.

 

It sometimes seems to Keith like the closer they get to Skullthor, or some place where they might find a portal to go to where Skullthor is, the less he wants to go.

'Home is Where the Heart is', sez the Motivational Orb, helpfully and suspiciously telepathy-like.

Keith thinks that if he was still in the phase of his life where he wrote (probably very bad) poetry, he might write a couple of stanzas about how difficult it is to find your heart when you feel like someone somewhere smashed it into a thousand little pieces.

'The Sum is Always Greater Than the Parts', sez the Motivational Orb.

Keith decides he just can't win.

 

"We're not, like, really married, are we?"

They're en route from somewhere to somewhere else, surrounded by interestingly shaped rock formation and trees and plants.

"What," says Manton, like he doesn't even remember what may very well have been the closest Keith has come to having sex in the past eight months, two weeks and five days. (But who's counting?)

Keith stares at his hands. "The uh ceremony? In the village?" Part of him pathetically hopes against all hope that Manton will assure him that they are absolutely married, for life, even, and doomed to have great sex for as long as they're both interested in that sort of thing. (So a pretty long time, probably.)

"Oh," Manton says. "That." He turns his head to look at a rock formation.

Keith looks along. He thinks it might look a little like a duck, only who knows what ducks look like on this planet - hint: not Keith Kanga, super-serious science guy.

"I," he says. "You. Okay. Good," he adds, to make it clear how relieved he is about not being married to Manton. "Thanks. That's a load off my mind."

They drive past the rock formation that maybe looks a little like a duck.

 

What Keith wants to happen is something like this:

MANTON: The way you heroically (if suicidally) jumped into the fight to (unnecessarily) save me has made me realize the depths of my feelings for you. Please cuddle with me under the starlit sky.  
KEITH: Oh. Heh, heh. Er. Okay.  
MANTON: Also, it would greatly please me to make out with you.

What happens is, of course:

MANTON: The way you suicidally (if heroically) jumped into the fight has made me realize the depths of your incompetence and lack of physical prowess. Please be more careful in the future.  
KEITH: Oh. Heh, heh. Er. Okay.  
MANTON: Please do not consider this a laughing matter. I take your safety very seriously.  
KEITH: Yay?

 

"I am pathetic," Keith tells Melvon, who has turned himself into a tree for reasons both mystical and obscure.

"Eh," says She-La. "For talking to a tree? At least you make an effort not to bother other people with your problems. The way I see it, that puts you at least two steps above just about anyone else in this company. Myself excluded, of course."

"Really?" Keith feels oddly cheered, weirdly (if non-physically) touched.

"Well, the Orb doesn't complain either. And Manton's okay."

"So I'm, like, in the middle."

"Are you two kids canoodling when you should be keeping watch?" Melvon asks.

She-La hisses. Keith stares at the tree that turns out to not to be Melvon, which, let's face it, probably a good thing. He doesn't think having fought in the CryoWars has left Melvon equipped with the answers to all the deeper, darker questions in life, such as 'will anyone ever love me for who I am, and do you think that I could maybe get a say in who that someone is, because I'd like it to be Manton, please'.

(But honestly. He'd be happy with anyone.)

(Well, almost anyone.)

 

KEITH: Hey, uh, I don't mean to complain, but I'm a little cold. Do you think -  
MANTON: Of course, of course. Here's an extra blanket.  
KEITH: Thanks.

 

Signs That Manton May Be in Love With Me:  
an inconclusive list by Keith Kanga

\- he always rescues me  
\- he always takes care of me  
\- he always listens to me when I'm talking  
\- he always asks me how I'm feeling  
\- he always looks at me when he's talking to me

Signs That Keith Kanga is an Idiot for Thinking Manton May Be in Love With Him:  
an inconclusive list by the same

\- ... because it's his job/duty/responsibility, stupid  
\- ... because it's his job/duty/responsibility, moron  
\- ... because he's really polite, duh  
\- ... because he's a nice guy, obviously  
\- ... and anyway, when has anything that good ever happened to me?

 

Keith doesn't do these sorts of things on purpose, he swears he doesn't, but he wanders off by himself a bit, because no one warned him not to (well, not today, anyway) so of course he encounters some sort of tentacle monsters with lots of uh tentacles.

Keith doesn't think he's into uh tentacles or anything, but, well. The monster seems friendly, and he figures that between nothing and uh tentacles, he might maybe have some fun because why not. It's not as if his days are all that fun-filled here, and anyway, it's his ass, isn't it?

Not, of course, that he seriously considers letting himself get ravished by a tentacle monster.

Which turns out to be a good thing, given that Manton shows up .6 seconds after Keith has thought to himself that gosh, he's feeling a bit warm at the idea of where that tentacle monster might be wanting to put those uh tentacles of his. Keith figures he could take one, at least. And then one could - yeah, that could totally work.

Again, of course he's not at all seriously considering doing anything untowards and improper and probably super-dangerous, because sure, the tentacle monster might look sort of harmless in an x-rated, don't-show-your-kids sort of way, but Keith bets it secretly wants to stuff him full of little tentacle monsters or something, or eat him alive or something. Or something.

It's all academic, anyway, because Manton's suddenly there ("Mr Cockblofficer," Keith mutters, even though he could've sworn that he had a better one, it's right on the tip of his tongue, he swears). There's uh tentacles flying everywhere, making Keith wince a bit.

"Are you all right?" Manton asks, very manly and deeply concerned.

"Y-yes," Keith says, because his great intelligence tells him that this is a Bad Time to bring up something like the odds of his having been able to enjoy a quickie in the spirit of don't-ask-don't-tell-don't-call-because-you-don't-have-a-phone-anyway-and-who-knows-if-you-can-even-talk?.

"Ha ha!" says Dartmor. He's collecting something in a small bottle. "That will teach the beast to dare compete with Dartmor, Prince of Jindor."

"Er." Keith shuffles his feet a bit. "It's very dangerous, then?"

"Hour upon hour of orgasmic pleasure. Outrageous!" Dartmor kicks the very dead and mostly tentacle-less tentacle beast. "One drop of this on one of my dart, and anyone I hit will be overcome with a sudden urge to take themselves off to somewhere private. Ha ha!"

"It's more of a nuisance than an actual threat." Manton has cleaned his sword and now sheathes it. "Nevertheless, it can be unsettling for the unwary."

"Yes. Orgasmic pleasure sure sounds very ... unsettling. Good thing you saved me."

She-La hisses. "What a waste!"

"In my "youth", we had "helpful items" for such things." Melvon sniffs. "No need for such "exotic" entertainment, no, we knew to be content with whatever we might order to be "delivered" to our doorstep."

 

Keith knows that he's going to get home one day, and it's almost certainly not going to go like this:

KEITH: Mom! Dad! I'm home!  
RANDOM PARENT OF YOUR CHOICE: We heard all about you saving the planet! We're so proud of you! We love you! We want to tell all our neighbors and friends and co-workers about our brilliant son!  
KEITH: Aw, mom/dad*! I'm too old for hugs!  
RANDOM PARENT OF YOUR CHOICE: And what's this we've heard about your handsome alien boyfriend? You should bring him around to dinner! We want to meet him! Are you getting married?  
KEITH: Mom/dad*! You're embarrassing me! Heh, heh.

or even like this:

KEITH: Patni. Hello.  
AUNT PATNI: Keith. Thank God you're all right! I talked to your parents. They really wanted to be here, but, well.  
KEITH: That's all right. Hey, guess what, I got a boyfriend. His name is Manton.  
PATNI: Oh, Keith.  
KEITH: I was there when Lance died. It was horrible.  
PATNI: Oh, _Keith_.

though he thinks it might go something like this:

MANTON: You told us that you were royalty! Your lies have cut me to the quick!  
KEITH: Uh. I can explain? (No, I can't.)  
MANTON: Honor demands that we never speak again. Farewell.

and, of course, there's always the option of this:

KEITH: Er. I'm home?  
AI HOME SYSTEM: Welcome home, [please insert your name here]. You have ... no new messages.

 

"You have been very quiet today," Manton says.

"Oh. I've been looking at rock formations," says Keith. "That one sort of looks like a duck, don't you think?"

Manton squints a little. "I don't really see it," he finally says, like he's admitting something he feels he should be ashamed of, and Keith feels like a rotten bastard.

"I guess maybe it's one of those things. You know, you only see it when you want to see it?"

Manton's expression turns faintly offended. "I promise you, I want to see a duck."

"Uh. Just forget about it. Totally unimportant."

Manton sighs and says "If you say so," in a tone that calls Keith a liar, liar, pants on fire, which is kind of funny, because he's pretty that if his pants were on fire, Manton would be the first to come running with a bucket of water and what the fuck is he even doing, no seriously.

"You really don't think it looks like a duck?"

 

"Romance," Dartmor declares, drunk and smelling it, "is for people too afraid to fuck. That's a quote! I said that before! Therefore, it is true."

Keith doesn't dare to get drunk. Not here, not now. Not ever, not anywhere, if he's honest with himself, not after what happened last time, with the noodles.

Manton smiles at him, warm and bright-eyed and more than a little tipsy. He grasps Keith's hands with his own and says, "You have lovely eyes and a good heart."

"No one ever wants me for my body," Keith tells Manton.

"Well," Manton says, "I have never seen it, so in all honor, I cannot comment."

 

In another reality, Keith lets Manton sweet-talk him into having sex with him, and it's a bit awkward and a little weird and a lot like everything Keith's ever wanted, because Manton's drunk, and Keith is nervous, but they're in love, so it all works out.

In this one, he stares at his own face in a mirror, wondering if Dartmor is right.

(No doubt about it: he's losing his mind.)

 

They're made to drink truth serum in another one of those weird little villages.

"I think - I think I may be in love with you," Keith tells Manton.

 _I can deny everything!_ he tells himself. _I'll just say they made a mistake with the potion. I'm sure that happens all the time!_

"I think we all know," She-La says. "Well, maybe not Dartmor."

'Love is All You Need', sez the Motivational Orb.

"I think I knew before anyone else did. Ha ha!" says Dartmor.

'Love Makes the World Go Round', sez the Motivational Orb.

"I fought in the CryoWars!" Melvon says. "Men were "real" men during the CryoWars! We all had lots of "sex" with each other, even with people who weren't "women". That story about the sheresheep was pure "slander", though. They weren't "able" to prove a thing!"

 

So that was awkward.

And confrontational.

And awkward.

And too much, too soon.

And awkward.

"We should probably talk," Manton says, some distance and time later.

So very awkward.

"Uh, that's okay. I get it. You don't need to - " Keith swallows. Rejection hurts. He's gotten really good at pretending it doesn't, at acting like, fuck you world, who cares about what you think, anyway? Who cares about anything? Not me! I learn from my mistakes.

Or something like that.

"Then," Manton says. "My apologies. I feel I may be doing this wrong."

"I know the feeling," says Keith. "Trust me, you'll get used to it. Or not."

Manton kisses him. His hands on Keith's shoulders, less to hold him in place, Keith feels, and more to make sure Manton doesn't lose his balance, which is silly, because Manton is always graceful and also he's kissing Keith and any moment now, Keith's going to wake up and realize that this was all a dream.

Not just yet, though.

"This isn't real, is it?" he asks Manton, because Manton would never lie to him, even in a dream. "I'm dreaming. Or I'm having a really vivid daydream."

"Does this feel like a dream to you?" Manton asks, kissing him again. (Manton's a good kisser. A great kisser. Keith is instantly and stupidly jealous of everyone Manton has kissed before to get so good at kissing.)

"Absolutely, 100%," Keith says.

 

It turns out that it wasn't a dream.

Also: romance may be for people afraid to fuck, but fucking is also for people afraid to fuck, because sometimes you just have to admit to yourself that yes, you're probably never going to be the sex god of your fond fantasies, but _neither is anyone else_.

Some people come pretty close, though.

The romance is nice, too, even though Keith decides to pass on the flower-gathering.


End file.
